I am so infantile for thinking this way, I know this, but still I can't help how I feel. This heart wants what it wants.

So today, I think I will resign myself to a life alone forever because I will never have the one that my heart insist it wants. It's pathetic, it's crazy and nonsensical, it doesn't make any sense; I know. But what can I say? I've got it bad. So every now and again, I will put on his songs, watch hi videos, read his tweets and cry myself silly for something that will never be. And once in a while a poem or two rears its head as it did today and below is the latest I wrote for him though of course he will never know and will never care.

I build my world around you,

My hopes, my dreams, my heart’s true desire –

you hold in the palm of your hand,

But you’ll never know how much you mean to me

Because you live in a universe that does not have me in it

And I wonder how long must I suffer this one-sided love affair

When I know in reality,

You will never be calling me baby,

I will never be your heart’s delight,

I will never know the touch of your hands,

The whisper of your voice saying sweet nothings

And I will never have the right to call you my own man.

Knowing all this,

I know I’m stupid for still yearning for a chance in a million

That you will one day somehow find me in this obscurity

And somehow realize you and I should be one,

And end my misery of loving someone so unattainable,

And we will miraculously be together despite the odds that I know will never be overcome.

And so today, I write this,

Knowing full well you will never know,

You will never care that somewhere in this world,

Another one in millions of the femme circle,

Has lost her heart to you.

I love you even in my ignorance of your true self

And despite of all rhyme or reason,

You will always reside in my heart,

Though we are so very far apart,

And I will never see a day,

When these words I say,

Will be welcomed or wanted by you,

But I will say it still,

Nick, I love you.